A letter to a younger me..

With my 28th birthday exactly a month away, I was discussing how quickly we are growing old with a very close friend. Seemed like just yesterday, I had celebrated my 18th birthday – such a landmark age (figure) it seemed then.

While discussing all this, he mentioned in passing about the kind of lessons these past 10 years had given us. All those memories, some good, some bad and some that we’ve pushed in to a far corner of our minds that only we can reach. The conversation lasted for almost 2 hours (imagine that on an international call – thank God for my service provider that lets me make cheaper calls to India *wink*)

We were just about to hang up when he said, “Prerna, if you had to write a letter to your 18 years old self, what are the things you would like to say to a 10-years younger you?” The question surprised me and got me thinking. I don’t know how or why he asked me this. But excited at the thought, I told him I would write the letter and post it on my blog by evening. 

Source: Google

Easier said than done, though. 10 years is a hell lot of a time and a hell lot of things had happened over the past ten years. There was so much I wanted to tell the younger me. But not all could have been said. But I decided to start writing the letter nevertheless (keeping it precise). I could see myself sitting there in the off-shoulder light pink sweater, surrounded by friends and family, blowing the 18 candles on my cake. The happy chitter-chatter and the clicks of the newly discovered mobile phone cameras. 

So here is how it goes:

Dear Prerna,

Happy Birthday! A very warm hug from a 10 years older you. I know how excited you are on turning 18 today (who else would know better!) 18 seems to be such a milestone in life and it is. I say because I have been there and done that (pretty literally, LOL.) School is done with and college awaits a new life – the freedom that was only to be seen in movies till now, will kiss your feet. Your wallet will soon flaunt a driving license and you shall now have a say in who runs your country.

What fun! But, before any of this happens, I want to tell you things that most of us on our 18th birthday don't care about and no one ever tells us. All of us learn these on our own. I hope you won’t be bored reading this (I know your love for reading.)

1. You are an adult who is still a kid –

Yes. You are going to be stuck in that place for a long time and it is not a happy place to be in. But you will learn to live with it. You will always be a kid for your parents. When you would want to act all grown up, they will remind you that you are still a child and when you would want to be a child, they would ask you to behave like a grown up. It’s going to be a constant clash. Remember, just like God didn’t give you a crash course in being an adult, they didn’t do a crash course in being parents. So be patient. They are going to be as confused by your actions as you are going to be with theirs. Talk to them. Spend more time with them. Fight with them too. Because the more communication there is, the easier it will be.

2. Life is not a fairytale –

Whoever tells you all struggles end with 12th boards is on some kind of chemical. Trust me, life has just started and boards were nothing in front of the challenges life is going to throw at you every now and then. But, don’t get bogged down. You may think that you can’t do it anymore, that life is unfair to you but giving up shouldn’t be the answer. Every new challenge will seem tougher than the last one. You are going to learn something new with each step. And, years down the line, you will laugh and think how silly these problems were.

3. Heartbreaks can’t be prevented-

You would meet guys, develop a crush, fall in love (or so you will think) and have somebody think they are in love with you. Your heart is going to get broken and you would go through immense pain and hurt too. But, don’t be scared to get up and go out again. Don’t stop chasing love or getting chased by love. Each of these heartbreaks is going to be a valuable lesson and is going to make you a better person. Oh, and you are going to break hearts too. Don’t be scared by that. You need to learn to say no. But, don’t be cruel and mean.

4. There is a difference between selfishness and self-respect –

There are going to be times when you would think of letting go of your ‘ego’ for someone you think you love. But be wise. There is a thin line between self-respect and ego and you would need to walk that line carefully. The biggest regret in life is not respecting and loving yourself and don’t do anything where you have to live with that regret. If you don’t respect yourself, no one will. And those who don’t respect that are not worth it.

5. A college course will not decide the kind of life you lead –

A college degree cannot guarantee a great career let alone a great life. You will realize that no matter what you study in graduation or PG, what ultimately will matter is what you learn all these years. What will matter is not how much you scored in a college subject but how you score with people. Certificates will help but it is confidence and courage that will take you places.

6. Make mistakes. Please! –

Every one will tell you to learn from others’ mistakes. But please make some of your own too. Because if you don’t, it will mean there is something wrong. Your mistakes are what are going to make you a better, mature and a wise person. Also, don’t shy away from owning your mistakes. It is tough to say sorry but trust me, once you do it guarantees a regret-free life.

Source: Google

7. Tomorrow never comes –

Life is going to get only busier. Don’t leave anything to tomorrow. Not the dance class you want to join or the blog you’ve been waiting to write. Don’t postpone calling a friend – pick up the phone right now. “I will do it tomorrow” is only a phrase and not a time that ever comes and leaves you with remorse.

8. Take risks. Don’t be scared of failures –

Take risks. If they pay off, you will be happy. If they don’t, you will emerge wiser. Don’t be scared of going into the unknown. How will you ever know what it could have been unless you take a chance? Try a new dress, go to a new place, eat a new cuisine, propose the guy you secretly have a crush on. Don’t fear rejection. Challenge yourself. Dream. Achieve.

9. You can’t please everybody all the time –

Most people will remember you for the one thing you didn’t do and not for the 99 you did. Learn to live with that. Be kind but don’t let people step over you. There are going to be haters and there are going to be those you love you. Learn to take hate and criticism into your stride. You will evolve a better person.

10. Learn to forgive –

People are going to hurt you real bad. There are going to be times when you’d want to kill someone. You will think of revenge. Forgive instead. Let go. Others may not live with the guilt of hurting you, but if you don’t let go, you are always going to live with the bitterness. Forgiveness may not matter to others, but it will surely give you a sound sleep.

Source: Google

Become financially and emotionally independent – it will help you a lot. Love your freedom but understand the responsibility that comes with it. Don’t ever lose who you are for someone you love. Stand up for yourself because if you don’t, no one will. Friends will become strangers and strangers will become friends too. The world is grey and nothing is black and white. Don’t give up your hobbies – these are your expressions of your feelings. Go out, live life. Create your own experiences – these are what will make you rich.

Source: Google

Live it up and write many stories along the way. Not all of them will be perfect or have a happy ending. But then, they will be tales worth telling and you won’t have to depend on the Cinderellas and the Snow-whites of the world for bedtime stories for your kids and grandkids. You will have your own! Cheers.

Love,

You - 10 years hence.

And, now that I am done, who knows I may give it to my future kids when they turn 18 (can add or subtract a few things maybe.)

Love at First Sight - Part 3

Against the Odds

No matter where you go

I will find you

If it takes a long long time
No matter where you go
I will find you
If it takes a thousand years

Image source - Google

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“I am really nervous. What if all this is a prank?” she had been telling Saurav the same thing since last evening.

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Two days ago:

She had randomly sent a friend request to someone called Gopal on Orkut when she couldn’t find the guy of her dreams. And, the friend request got accepted. Imagine, who does that! How odd.

Read the first part here and the second part here.

After accepting her friend request, Gopal had sent her a message that said, “Hey do I know you?” The question had irked her a little. Of course he didn’t know her, why did he accept her request.

However, after some deliberation, she responded, “No, you don’t.” The message from the other side was prompt, “Well, you sent me a request so I thought maybe we knew each other?” Why did she have to send the request! However, she still responded.

The messages that got exchanged, were something like this:

Her - “We don’t know each other. You can cancel the request if you want to. Sorry for all the trouble.”

Gopal – “Ok. So why did you send me the request?”

Her – “By mistake. I wasn’t expecting you to accept it, anyway.”

Gopal – “I doubt it was a mistake ;)”

WTF does this guy want? She replied, “Yeah, ok. I was looking for someone and when I couldn’t find him, I sent you a request. I know it sounds weird. And I am really sorry for this.” He was a stranger so it didn’t matter if he thought she was stupid!

“Aah! And who are you looking for?” he messaged back almost immediately. She knew he was having fun at her expense. After all people don’t get to hear such dumb reasons for getting friend requests so often.

“No one. I don’t think he’s on Orkut,” she replied, hoping to end the conversation. “So what? If he is from my college, I can help you look for him. What is his name?” his message said.

What was the harm in telling him anything? He was a complete stranger and she was never going to meet him ever. She would tell him and then delete him from the friend list.

So, she typed, “He is in your college and in the dance troop. I had some work with him but I misplaced his name and number. I was hoping to reach him through Orkut but I can’t find him.”

“What is his name?” Gopal asked again. The point was she didn’t know the name! Gopal was asking her too many questions but who wouldn’t in such a case. She thought for a moment and then sent him a message.

“Ok, so here is the thing. I saw this guy in a dance fest the other day and I think I kinda like him. I don’t know his name or anything else about him. I thought I would be able to find him on Orkut but I have clearly failed. I just randomly sent you a friend request. And, since you know too much now and are probably thinking that I am the dumbest girl on this planet, I am going to block you.” She messaged him, then closed the message window and started looking for options to block him.

Just as she was about to block him, there was another message that read, “Wait. Don’t block me. I think I can help you. I know everyone in the dance society. So if you can describe him, I may be able to tell you his name and then you can look him up on Orkut. You may not have found him without the name.”

She thought for a while and then described the guy to Gopal – everything from the eyes to the way his hair was falling on his forehead. She knew there was no way she would find the guy she thought she was in love with.

When there was no response for almost half an hour, she knew she had made a fool out of herself. She was heartbroken. Somewhere. she had hoped Gopal would be able to help her. She decided to wait till the morning to delete or block him. And, then, she received another message.

“Sorry, took me a long time to respond. Power cut. I have added a new picture in my album. Have a look and tell me if this is the same guy you are talking about.” The message from Gopal stated.

She could feel her heart racing as she opened his album. And there it was. The first picture of the guy she was in love with. Fuck. Gopal knows him. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t believe this.

A string of messages were pouring in from Gopal right from, “is he the guy you wanted to find,” to the latest one asking, “you there?” but she just kept staring at the picture.

Finally she responded, all caps, “YES! HE’S THE ONE. OH MY GOD, HOW DO YOU KNOW HIM?????” Gopal replied, “His name is Ahan. And, he is my best friend.”

“WTF. How can this be true? How can someone I send a random friend request to, actually know the guy I wanted to find. Oh God, I might just faint. Should I ask Gopal for Ahan’s phone number? Or should I now look up for Ahan on Orkut?” all these thoughts were crossing her mind as she sat there, absorbing the events of the last two hours.

It was so odd for her to have found him!

To be continued..

Love at First Sight - Part 2

The Bollywood Queen

Read Part 1 here

On the way home, her phone couldn't stop beeping. She was chatting with Saurav, telling him about the guy she had almost met that evening. “Let’s talk at 1?” she messaged him, hoping for a positive response.

“I can come over now if you want. I don’t think you can wait,” was Saurav’s text, followed by a winking smiley. “No, not now. Mom will get to know that something is fishy. Let’s talk on the phone?” she asked. “Ok, call me when you want,” was the reply.

Once home, she could hardly talk to anyone. She was so occupied in her own thoughts that when her mom asked her how the day was, she could only murmur. She wished ma-pa goodnight and went into her room.

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It was fifteen minutes past 1 already and her patience was running out. She had called Saurav a couple of times but the call went unanswered. What if he had gone off to sleep? Another ten minutes passed and then her phone rang.

“Where the fuck have you been? I have been calling you and you can’t even bother to check your phone?” she asked Saurav angrily, before he could even say a hello. “Sorry yaar, dad wanted to talk. Acha, I am hungry, tell me what to eat?” Saurav asked matter-of-factly. “You haven’t called into Sanjeev Kapoor helpline. You have called to help your best friend find her love,” she retorted.

After some leg pulling, Saurav finally asked her, “so what’s the problem?” She started to talk, “I am in love with a guy.” She was blushing but thank God, Saurav couldn’t see her. “But that’s not the problem," she continued, "the problem is I don’t know his name.”

“Tu pagal hai kya? Naam bhi nahi pata and you say you are in love?” Saurav was not amused. They had been friends for almost 7 years and there was nothing that happened in their lives without telling each other.

“I know his college..,” she started in her defence when Saurav cut her, “and you want us to go to his college to find him?” he sounded sarcastic. She knew knowing the name of the college was not enough but she had done her math in the past one hour.

“I have an idea. I will tell you only if you promise to hear me out,” she told Saurav. “As if I have a choice,” Saurav uttered. “You remember the movie, Saathiya?” she asked Saurav. There was silence. This meant, probably, that he understood the premise she was setting but he didn’t know how to react.

Image source - Google Images

Then, he spoke, “are you mad? That was a movie. Real life me aisa nahi hota!” Saurav couldn’t believe she was suggesting finding a guy like that. He called her Bollywood Queen but he had never imagined she would take the tittle so seriously.

“You promised you’ll hear me out,” she said, adding, “I know that was a movie. But a little bit of inspiration from Bollywood won’t hurt.” The excitement was clear in her voice. She explained, “Ok. What do we know about him? His college and the fact that he is in the dance society. Now, see, all colleges have communities on Orkut. His college has one too with 1531 members.” She was sounding confident. Saurav sighed. She wasn’t going to give up just yet.

Image source - Google Images

She continued, “Now, I checked that out of those 1531 members, 698 are girls. That leaves us with 833 guys. I could manage to check about 329 profiles and didn’t find him. Now that leaves us with 504 guys. About 248 are pass-outs. That means 256 guys to look at.” She was brimming with enthusiasm.

“Aryabhatta would be so proud of you,” Saurav said. He realized she was serious about finding this guy. “But what if he is not on Orkut?” he asked, concerned. “We’ll get to that,” she said. Frankly, she hadn’t thought about that.

“Anyway, we are left with 256 guys, out of whom 198 are in the music society. That means 58 guys. Yaar, ab tu apni best friend ke liye 58 ladkon me se ek ladka nahi dhoond sakta?” The question had surprised Saurav. He could imagine her standing like Vivek Oberoi from Saathiya and telling him all this.

Image source - Google Images

Neither of them spoke for sometime. Saurav could hear her clicking the mouse frantically. He was hoping his best friend finds this guy. Suddenly, she spoke, almost in tears, “I can’t find him, Saurav.”

“So what? We can go to his college in the morning and find him,” Saurav responded, trying to cheer her up. “Are you mad? What am I going to tell him, why are we there? I can’t tell him I love him,” she snapped back almost immediately. “Umm, we’ll just get his name or number or something?” Saurav suggested, unsure of what they really could do now.

When she didn’t respond, he asked, “what are you thinking?” “Nothing, leave it. We’ll see what to do in the morning. I am tired,” she said. They spoke for a few minutes and as they hung up, her mouse clicked on the ‘Add Friend’ option.

She didn’t know for how long she had been staring at the monitor screen. She logged into Orkut again and she had one notification – ‘Friend request accepted.’ She had just thought about checking out the profile when she got a message. As she saw who the message was from, her heart started to beat faster.

She knew she shouldn’t have sent the request. What she didn’t know was that she was about to start the biggest adventure of her life.

To be continued…